Aurora, CO – After decades of participating in the same sports, Regis Jesuit has had enough. “The students just don’t care about football, basketball, and baseball anymore.  They need more exciting events to go to,” commented Jimmy Dean, RJ’s athletic director.  The Athletic Department at Regis as a whole plans to take massive steps forward with a plan ready to be completed by March of 2020.  Dean continued commenting on the plan.  “We have several new buildings and sports coming to the school.  First we will be building a colosseum for gladiatorial fights and an old western town for duels at high noon.”  The gladiator fights will be with standard Roman rules and regulations, although it is unsure at this time whether or not CHSAA will allow students fight wild boars and tigers with nets and tridents for eternal glory due to the Alpaca Incident of ’76. The colosseum, which is planned to hold 5,000 students, will likely be located where Labor Field currently resides.  As for the Western Duels, an old western mining town will likely be developed on McNicholas green.  The town will hold a saloon, serving juices and water, a small church, several miscellaneous buildings, 32 tumbleweeds, and a clock tower to signify when it is high noon.  Students will dress up in typical western garbs and follow all the standard rules set in classic Clint Eastwood films.  With funding going towards these new projects, Regis Jesuit will be cancelling the more lackluster programs like football, baseball, soccer, tennis, lacrosse, and classes.  There have also been talks of adding jousting, chariot races, Australian football, and cup speed-stacking to the lineup of Regis Jesuit sports.